Guidelines for letter writing:

The following suggestions are written in an effort to facilitate your friendships.

Since one of you is in prison, the guidelines take into account that unique factor your relationship.  These guidelines are sent to both parties.

This document is an edited and amended copy of “Some Perspectives about a Prison Pen Relationship” by the Human Kindness Foundation and the Guidelines for Letter Writing used by the Insight Meditation Program.  We thank them both for letting us use it.  We hope it deepens your understanding of one another, and allows both of you to grow through your spiritual friendship.

A pen-pal relationship between a prisoner and a “free person” is an exploration of friendship.  Most letter writers for Circle of Love Inside are inspired by Amma (Mata Amritanandamayi) and her example of unconditional love and humanitarian service.   We encourage an exploration of a spiritual friendship through your correspondence.  A spiritual friend is your ally in your quest to awaken to what is true.  This is a rare opportunity to develop a relationship that is entirely based on unconditional love and choosing to live and communicate what is true as you best understand it. Please let this be essential in all that you share.

Suggestions for letter writing volunteer:

• As in many relationships, the depth and meaning of your connection is mainly established by how genuinely interested you are in hearing one another.  To practice this listening is perhaps the greatest gift of any friendship.  So do not assume that you’re now in the role of the spiritual teacher of your prison friend. Nor are you responsible for turning your new friend into an Amma devotee. You both have much to learn from one another.  He or she may daily face situations you can hardly imagine, so please respect that and yet don’t be intimidated by it.
• On the other hand, you are not the loyal side-kick of a larger-than-life “outlaw”.  Your pen-pal is a life-sized person, no bigger and no smaller, who has positive and negative parts to their personality.  The challenge of a spiritual friendship is to fully love without supporting or reinforcing each other’s self-delusions and vanities.
• If you feel sexual or romantic vibes which make you uncomfortable, then do not allow them to build.  Please be kind and clear about your intentions and ask for respect.  If the situation continues, discontinue your contact and notify us.
• If your pen-pal asks for material favors that you feel are inappropriate, please in a clear and respectful manner let them know that you will only send items that relate directly to their spiritual needs.  In addition, you are NOT in a position to forward items, contact lawyers, or run errands.
• Do not ever be manipulated into suspicious activity such as anything to do with government checks, money orders, forwarding money or mail from your return address, smuggling anything into prison, or lying in any way to anyone. You can bring serious trouble into your life in that way. If your pen-pal respects and loves you, he or she won’t put you in that position.
• Don’t be frightened by your friends or family’s panic about possible danger by writing to prisoners.  They are human just like you. Use your common sense, and if you listen honestly to your gut feelings and conscience, you may find that this becomes one of the most remarkable relationships in your life.  Prison is a challenging environment which can give rise to courage and wisdom.
• If you want to discontinue your letter writing, let your pen-pal know and contact the Director, so she can arrange for a new correspondent.
• If you have questions or are unsure about how to handle a situation, contact the Director.  She will be happy to assist you or put you in contact with the appropriate person.
• These guidelines are meant to inspire some clarity for your correspondence.  Please do not feel intimidated by them; it is our fear that separates us, not our clarity. Conversely, when we open our hearts within that clarity, we free each other, and ourselves.

Suggestions for inmate correspondent:

• Your pen-pal is neither your Guru nor your disciple, but a potential friend.  Remember that friendship is a two-way street.  This is a chance for you to really get to know yourself through connecting with another human being....  There is no need to lie, impress or seek approval. We all get dealt a hand of cards in this lifetime and no one shuffles the deck. There are only a few chances to put all of them on the table.
• If asked what crime you committed, only answer if you want to. If you don’t want to disclose this info, tell your pen-pal so.
• Almost everyone in prison is broke, and almost everyone has material needs that aren’t being met.  But that’s not what your pen-pal relationship is about.  If you try to make it into that, you will probably lose a good friend.  Which will do you more good in the long run, twenty bucks for a radio, or a life-long friend?  Your pen-pal may be a little nervous about various aspects of your life and current situation.  You do not have to pamper them or hide your reality, but please try to understand their difficulties and help address them.
• Remember that everyone in the free world also has problems.  It really is true “we are all doing time” one way or another, so both of you can try to help each other see and dismantle those prisons of the mind, which are far more limiting than any prison of concrete and steel.  Take time to listen deeply to what is communicated, and let your response come from a place of reflection, not reaction.
• Enjoy the gift of it all; friendship, spiritual growth and an opportunity to study the connection between true freedom and self knowledge.